Honoring Your Process
I work with children and from time to time a life lesson will make itself available to me. So the other day, during nap time, I noticed one of the children lying with his eyes closed, “passie” in mouth, twirling his blanket in both hands. Round and round. Round and round. He was in his own little peaceful zone. Scanning the room, I noticed another child putting up a fuss with one of the other teachers. “I want my green dragon!” she screamed quietly. I watched her battle as the teacher brought her a bear, a puppy, and a few other choices; but it was the green dragon or bust. It was as if I was whisked into a slow motion Twilight Zoneesque mini-movie. Each child was doing something totally different from the other in order to fall asleep. One was curled in a ball, another was humming quietly, and one had both legs straight up towards the ceiling. The hodgepodge of nap time hoopla was underway. Soon enough, the shuffling stopped, the blanket twirling ceased, and everyone was resting.
The thought that came to me was, “Why are these two-year-old children unapologetically honoring their process and I feel like I need to ask, beg, and borrow for approval?”
At this point in my life, I know pretty well what works for me and what doesn’t. But for some reason, there’s still that tiny little part of me that “half-steps” my process instead of just honoring what I need for my life. Watching nap time helped me realize that second guessing myself is a learned behavior and that it really is okay to twirl my blanket or be unwilling to bend unless I get my green dragon.
As we grow up and learn to compromise, sometimes we compromise ourselves right out of our own good and end up living someone else’s grand vision instead of our own. We all have something unique to give and the way it shows up is as exclusive as we are. Can I help it if I need to start out by lying down in socks and kick them off in the middle of the night (mostly during winter)? I also have a running story in my head that the little white "thing" in the egg yolk is the baby so I have to take it out if I cook eggs for anyone. That's what I need to be okay while I'm eating eggs and it's fine.
If a child can honor their process, why shouldn’t I?
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